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FCC regulations are highly offensive
I find a lot of things offensive.
Take, for instance,
when Jehovah's Witnesses interrupt me in the middle of studying to
offer me religiously themed junk mail. This offends me.
Or, when
people sit in the back of a class and try to sneak a conversation with
their boyfriend through their Bluetooth headsets while I'm trying to
scratch out notes on the origin of the word testify. This is
particularly offensive.
A lot of stuff on television offends
me too. The Super Bowl, for example, is a steaming cesspool of
advertising and boring statistics. Don't get me wrong; I love a good
knee injury as much as the next guy, but I'd rather play a decent
football video game than sit through the lobotomized repartee of John
Madden.
Those three wasted channels on my cable bill offend me too. You know the ones, the holy trinity of empty gestures:
The
First Baptist Church channel with pastor Mike, the angry nun and her
monks with laptops network, and the golden thrones/pink hair evangelist
channel which often features Kirk Cameron and his creepy sidekick.
These three channels by themselves are awful and offensive. But taken
together, running 24-hours a day inside my television, their collective
output actually kills baby seals.
But, you see, I do something drastic when the glowing box offends me. I change the channel. Sometimes, I even turn it off.
As
George Carlin once said, there are two knobs on the radio. If you fear
your children are going to see something you would rather them not see
- I suggest you be a better parent. Take control of your own life and
stop expecting the media to meet your expectations. If something
offends you in the media, feel free to ignore it.
Unfortunately
the most offensive thing in this entire nation, the Federal
Communications Commission, cannot be ignored. Like all the other awful
things threatening our civilization, the scourge of the FCC will only
grow if left unrestrained. Now, thanks to The Parents Television
council, the FCC abomination has mutated into a hideous many-headed
demon grabbing up fines the size of nation-states.
What is this terrible thing called the Parents Television Council? I'm glad you asked.
Congress
passed new indecency legislation last year ostensibly because in 2004
the foundation of our society was left cracked and our children scarred
when a human female breast was uncovered during the aforementioned
Super Bowl. The day the world saw Janet Jackson's breast will live on
in infamy.
That same year, the FCC allowed ABC to broadcast
"Saving Private Ryan," a movie with a heaping serving of f-bombs and
gooey beheadings, completely free of any censorship.
You see, the FCC doesn't just go around fining people and demanding editing. They must receive complaints.
The
PTC is a relatively small group of ignorant and misguided people who
account for 99 percent of all complaints sent to the FCC. According to
former chairman of the FCC Michael Powell, the number of complaints the
Commission received in 2001 was less than 400, but in 2003 that number
rocketed to 240,000. Who is to blame for this rise? The numbers suggest
a special interest group comprised of people so ineffectual as parents
they apparently can't set the rules in their own home when it comes to
what their kids are allowed to watch on television. They want the FCC
to punish those who offend their group's sensibilities until television
becomes a nicer place.
Check this out. I just typed the word
shit into this column. Now, if this was a broadcast in prime time on
television, I could be fined $325,000 thanks to the efforts of the PTC.
Of course, even though the PTC is populated by a shameful
collection of puritans devoted to crapping on our basic rights, I'm not
upset with them. They are a group of like-minded people who organized
and took action. So, I tip my hat.
What offends me more than
anything is the very existence of a Congressionally appointed group of
people who tell us what we can and can't watch on television.
The
FCC is antithetical to everything we are supposed to be proud of as
Americans. The First Amendment and the FCC shouldn't be able to coexist
in our society. So, why do we allow them too?
Last week the Associated Press reported the FCC may soon get new powers
from Congress to regulate violence on television the same way it
regulates profanity and sexuality.
Consider
how this will affect our coverage of crime and war. Or, if that doesn't
bother you much, consider how it will affect "CSI: Miami."
If
the PTC juggernaut continues to roll, the FCC and Congress will soon be
pressured to censor our cable channels, our Internet and eventually our
newspapers.
If you harbor any love for America or have any
admiration for the Constitution, then you must despise both the FCC and
the PTC, or you are a hypocrite. If you support our troops, then you
must support the right of broadcasters to put whatever they want to put
into our televisions be it on cable or the local news.
Salmon
Rushdie once said without the right to offend freedom of speech was
meaningless. George Orwell once said freedom of speech meant the right
to tell people what they didn't want to hear.
If you want to
hide behind your children, I suggest you reconsider. Not wanting your
children watching or hearing certain things is fine. I recommend you
teach them what you feel is appropriate and monitor what they are
exposed to. Be willing to turn off or take away their televisions,
iPods, computers and radios when you feel it is necessary.
But, expecting everyone else's children to live by your rules is not only pompous - it's also highly offensive.
Originally published in The Student Printz on March 1, 2007
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